How to set boundaries and stand your ground

When you're a freelancer, you get to choose how much time you sell. If someone is giving you their limited budget dollars, make sure they know the boundaries on what they can buy from your time so that it aligns for success for them and also assures that your business remains profitable.

It’s your business, your rules

Here's a specific example of how I do this: Some people want to pay me hourly with no set limit or end date. That doesn't work for my current needs because I have other clients paying ahead of time and it would be unfair if I didn't give them the same amount of attention. I send them this response:

“Ian, here's what I can do for you and when: [insert project details]. If we decide to go forward with this project, my hours will be $X/hour. You'll receive a payment schedule [insert dates] after the freeze date of [date] in 3 months. You can call or email me if there are any questions. The invoice date will be set up when we finalise the work schedule together on [date]." How's that for knowing how to set boundaries?

Also, if someone shows interest in your services but doesn't have money to pay upfront or within an agreed upon time frame (weeks), make sure they know that you're not going to wait around for their budget dollars without compensation. This could be a deal breaker for them and you.

Be clear on what you will and won’t accept

Have your payment terms and details written in your contract sent with your quotation and have it include "no-compromise" boundaries of what you're going to charge and when.

It's worth it to create this simple document because some people will make excuses about why they can't pay up front or at an agreed upon time period in the future. (I’ve walked away from several projects because the client wouldn’t put down a down payment.) Or they may come back months later saying that they forgot their budget was not available until a certain month. If you already have information about your payment schedule on file, it can easily be referred back to if needed.

You also need to keep track of the work you have planned on your calendar so that you don't over-book yourself. I recommend having a certain number of hours available to you each week. If your time is valuable, then it's important to protect this time so that you can do what you need to do in order for the business side of your enterprise to function at its optimal level.

You don't have to become a nasty person by setting boundaries but be firm in your response when people approach you with questions about money and payment terms. Be confident when discussing payment as non-negotiable. The more confident you sound, the less likely they are to bargain.

Let them know quickly (within 24 hours) the payment details and how their budget can align with yours, or if this project isn't something that fits into your current needs. It's OK to walk away from a project if it doesn’t fit for you. Remember, it pays to know how to set boundaries.

Value yourself and don't let others tell you otherwise

If someone tells you that you are not valuable, it is because the person is "not seeing value" within themselves. That means, they believe that they have no value and/or worth.

They are "seeing through their own eyes", which means looking at things from their point of view, only without any knowledge or awareness about the other person's perspective. As a result, they tend to feel like what others do (or say) about them is true. This gives rise to subconscious beliefs such as: "I am not worthy."

There are people out there who have a hard time believing that you are worth much more than what they'd pay or value you at.

Unfortunately, these kinds of people exhibit low self-esteem, which makes them react negatively to other peoples' success stories and accomplishments. They feel threatened by other peoples' good fortunes because it makes them think about their own shortcomings and failures.

In order to feel "better" about themselves, they will look for faults in others. That's why, if you ever hear negative feedback from someone, don't take it personally. Doing so would be like assuming that their intentions were to hurt you, which they never were.

That's why 99% of the time, when someone tells you that you are not valuable or worth much, remember that it is because they have very low self-esteem. And if they don’t think highly of themselves, then how could they believe that other people are worthy or valuable?

So, instead of letting them deflate your ego with negative comments and opinions about you, simply ignore them and replace their thoughts with positive ones.

Don't apologise for being who you are

You are the way you are for a reason. You don't need approval or acceptance from others, especially if it comes with conditions that make no sense in your life. If living up to someone else's standards makes them feel better about themselves because they think they're better than everyone else, so be it. It doesn't change who you are. You know how to set boundaries and you don't have to answer to those who don't.

If you are really who you are with no apologies, then the world will be as it is without apologies. People will accept or reject you based on how they feel about themselves.

You can make adjustments to your life and take action as necessary but live your life according to what matters to you, not what others think should matter to you.

Just be yourself without apology. If people come along for the ride, great. If not, that's fine too. You don't need anyone else's approval or acceptance. But, if you are going to ask for someone else's approval or acceptance, do it from a position of power and for your own reasons, not theirs.

I've noticed that the more authentic I am in my life, the better my reputation is. People are generally turned off by those who try to put on airs or fake it too much. It's like they can "feel" when something is not right and it has nothing to do with intelligence or other abilities, but rather about being real – or not.

Running a business is a challenge, but if you stand up for yourself and set clear boundaries, you’ll be taking a lot of unnecessary stress off yourself and your business and those you love will thank you for it.

Let me help you!

If you struggle in knowing how to set boundaries, I’d love to help you shift perspective and protect your business and your health in the process. Ask me how.